Honk if you love Peace and Quiet
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A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty
crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the judge said, "you are hereby
found guilty and fined the sum of $150."
After consulting with his client, Mr. Brewster's lawyer
stood up and said, "Your Honor, my client is a little
short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if
you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."
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I was working in a scrap yard repairing construction equipment. One
afternoon, I
was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it
together.
One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, I started heating
the
nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest
apprentices I have ever known came along.
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the
nut,
it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove
it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that's why days are
longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered
about that," he said.
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So a Skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Barkeep, I need a beer and a mop"
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I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for
beetles?" I asked the clerk. "No," replied. "It'll kill 'em."
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